I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
