3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
