Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
