if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
