God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
