so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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