Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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