I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
