Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Green mimosas i think yes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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