Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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