Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
