The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I look better un-naked...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
