first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
