When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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