His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize