I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
