i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize