I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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