I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
