If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
