the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
