Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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