So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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