Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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