you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
