The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just had sex on a roof
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
