You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize