He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
