Already got asked if we're dating
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
