what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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