lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
