Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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