I just made out with a guy for $7.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize