Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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