Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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