Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
