In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
