rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
