Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
