My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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