Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
