Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
