morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
