I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize