we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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