I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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