she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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