There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You ate ashes out of my bong
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
