I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
