Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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