im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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