No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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