So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
