the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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