Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm too high and old for this...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
