Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
