i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
