i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
