I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize