two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
