I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
