lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
