sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
