I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
