Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize