wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
