We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
