the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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