Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
