I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
